


Fangirl Meets World

by elsarenard



Series: Carry On Through College, Cather [2]
Category: Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, College, Discussions of sex, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Femslash, Fluff, M/M, Not Britpicked, Parties, Slash, Tags to be added as needed, Travel, Unofficial Sequel, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsarenard/pseuds/elsarenard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Next installation after Fangirling: A Fangirl Sequel (please read first) It’s Cath’s junior year and things just keep getting crazier. She’ll meet people she never dreamed of seeing, find herself in impossibly testing scenarios, and do her best to maintain good grades in even harder classes. As she heads off on the adventure of a lifetime, she must face new challenges and still find time to keep going on her fanfiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Rainbow Rowell, and I do not own any of the characters beyond the OC’s or anything else. I write this purely for fun, not profit!
> 
> That being said let’s get to the fun part! This is a sequel to Fangirling (which was supposed to be a sophomore year sequel to the original Fangirl). It is near impossible to read without having read the first work. Please please please do not read this until you’ve read Fangirling. You’ll just be confused otherwise. 
> 
> Potential warnings so everyone is aware and doesn’t complain later: Betaed but still possible mistakes in grammar, spelling, sentence structure, facts, canon data, British speech etc, Fanfiction interpretation (meaning characters might be out of character at times or not be totally in sync with RR’s writing), discussions of sex, implied sex in places (how can you expect Cath and Levi to keep their hands off each other?), slash, femslash, LGBTQ+ material, drinking, parties (potentially), swearing, American written interpretation of England, fluff, angst, anxiety, random fandom material etc.
> 
> Soooo the poll revealed 50% of people wanted another fandom and 50% didn’t… sooo that leaves me in an awkward spot as a tie breaker. So I decided I’d go ahead and add another fandom for Cath…though I figure we’ll still probably have a lot of Simon Snow and some Cornelius mixed in too. We’ll see if you approve of my third fandom choice. I had a lot of awesome suggestions, but it came down to me deciding I needed to do a fandom I’d loved and enjoyed just as much…

_This article is about the novel. For the film series, see The Hunter of the Sword (film). For other uses, seeThe Hunter of the Sword (disambiguation)._

 

The first single volume edition (1972)  
  
---  
  
  * _Volumes:_
  * _The Hunters’ Meeting_
  * _The Lake of Shadows_
  * _The Victorious March_

  
  
**Author**

| 

E.M. Alexander  
  
**Country**

| 

United Kingdom  
  
**Language**

| 

English  
  
**Genre**

| 

  * Fantasy novel
  * Adventure

  
  
**Publisher**

| 

Richard Brown and Ellis (UK)  
  
**Published**

| 

  * 17 July 1972

  
  
**Media type**

| 

Print (hardback and paperback)  
  
**Preceded by**

| 

_The Sprite_  
  
**_The Hunter of the Sword_** is an  epic high-fantasy novel written by English author E.M. Alexander. The story began as a sequel to Alexander’s earlier fantasy novel _The_ _Sprite_ , but eventually developed into a much larger work. _The Hunter of the Sword_ is one of the  best-selling novels ever written, with over 120 million copies sold.[1]

The story revolves around a young girl named Elba who finds herself in the midst of an epic quest for a long rumored sword of power. Together with a gathering of friends, Elba struggles to do what is right. They seek to find the weapon for the power of good, setting out upon an epic quest that spans three novels.

The works were scheduled to be made into films, the first to be released in fall 2013.

 **-** From Encyclowikia, the people’s encyclopedia

* * *

Cath was currently staring at the suitcase sitting in the middle of her bed and feeling like she might just stop breathing. Wren was still sitting at her desk staring at her.

"You have to calm down. It is not the end of the world if you can't take everything. Seriously. England has shampoo. And chocolate. And books. And extra clothes if you didn't bring quite enough. I mean seriously, you can't tell me you're not going to go shopping at all?"

"Without you to guide my horrendous fashion sense?" Cath said. 

"Find someone who knows something about fashion and take them," Wren said with an eye roll. "Seriously, Cath. You have got to just take a deep breath. Maybe we should just try this again tomorrow."

Cath turned around and snapped at her sister. "Tomorrow is my _last day_! And I already have to do so much stuff. I need to make sure I have all my important papers and print my boarding pass and finish making sure dad has everything he needs. Oh my god why did I agree to leave two weeks earlier?"

"Because Lauryn is going to take you on the adventure of a lifetime," Wren said with a pointed look. "You're being insane. Calm down."

"Don't call me insane!" Cath said, rubbing a hand along her temple as she tried to stop the pain that was quickly spreading through her head. "I just...I haven't written fanfiction in three weeks now. Three weeks Wren! My readers are so angry with me!"

"Your readers are not as important as your mental health," Wren said. "They can wait until you get to Oxford and get settled."

Cath bit her lip. "It's just...I don't think I can do this."

Wren tilted her head back so far that it hit the wall. She sighed.

"I don't know what to tell you," Wren said. "Except that you're amazing and you can totally do this. Besides, who's waiting for you after that long plane ride?"

Cath swallowed. "Levi."

"Exactly."

"But it's...I just...it's so much, Wren."

"You did this same thing when we were packing for college," Wren said, folding her arms. "'Wren it's too much. I'm going to flunk my classes. I'm going to not have all my stuff. How can I take my entire bookshelf?' It's the same thing, just a little bit further away and with a little bit less of your precious stuff. Pick a few fandom things-and no the cardboard cutout of Baz cannot be one of them. Pick one or two books. But remember that most of the time you and Levi are going to be off exploring everything that is available there. You're not going to be in your room being an introvert all the time."

Cath frowned and looked at the ground. It was a lot to take in, but she was gradually adjusting to the idea.

"I'm going to miss you so much."

"Me too," Wren said softly. "But it will be January before you know it."

She nodded and turned back to the suitcase, staring again and pondering how she could fit a semester's worth of things inside. This was definitely going to take some time and dedication.

A beep on her phone distracted her. She looked down and smiled as she saw Levi's name appear on her screen.

 _Hey sweetheart_.

She sighed.

_Hey yourself._

_I wanted to check in. It's been a busy day. I'm heading to bed really soon. But I'm already counting down the minutes until I see you again._

_Me too_ , she typed. _Get some sleep._

He texted her one last kissy faced emoji before she stuck her phone back into the pocket of her shorts and returned to pulling clothes from her drawers.

Just a few more days. And then off again on the adventure of a lifetime. She could do this. She knew she could.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait folks. Incredibly busy summer, moved to Europe, and started dating... um...yes. Life is insane right now.
> 
> There was a fandom added last minute. Make sure you check out the Encyclowikia article added to the first chapter as it might help you navigate that!

If Cath was forced to imagine what a sort of hell might be like, an airport was probably one of the first images that came to mind. People forced into crowded stuffy places with limited outlets for laptops and overpriced and often gross food. High stress levels and people who'd clearly reached their limit on tiredness. Long lines and fed-up staff. Yes. There was honestly nothing good to be had sitting in an airport.

Other than perhaps people watching. But Cath had yet to reach a point where she could actually focus on what was going on around her instead of the ticket in her hand.

She bit her lip as she gazed down at the piece of paper the airline employee had just handed her.

"Your bags will be waiting for you in the Heathrow airport, they'll be transferred onto your next flight in Atlanta too," the woman said. "Enjoy your flight."

"You too…" Cath muttered before realizing her mistake and flushing. "I mean…thanks."

Wren giggled. "You too," she said.

"I don't know if I can do this," Cath whispered as they walked away from the check in desk.

Wren rolled her eyes. "Honey your bags are already on their way to England, and you'd still pay the plane ticket at this point. You're getting on it. It's too late to change your mind."

Cath felt her lip start to bleed as she chewed on it. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Lauryn and Levi are both already waiting for you," Wren pointed out. "Lauryn's going to meet you at the airport and take you touring right away. And Levi will meet you once you get to Oxford in a few weeks. You're not going into this alone."

Just flying across the Atlantic alone, Cath supposed.

Arthur appeared. Cath sighed, just relieved he'd had enough time to park the car and still make it in time to say goodbye.

"Told you," Wren muttered. "So, big hugs. I won't see you again until December! Oh my god this is the longest we've been apart…since… well ever!"

"We spent like all of freshman year apart,' Cath muttered, adjusting her backpack.

"Yeah, but you were just a few buildings away. So I could see you whenever I wanted. Now…now I just have to…skype you I guess. And figure out the time difference."

"I'll be fine," Cath said softly.

Wren smiled at her. "I know. Glad you can say that. Okay, well you tell me all about what you and Lauryn do. But remember, no Simon Snow stuff. If I hear one word about you doing something snowflake related without me—"

"I promise," Cath said with a smile. "We're just going to explore London a little. Probably do some Cornelius set tours and things."

"Well you have fun," Wren said. "What about that other loser friend of yours?"

Cath rolled her eyes. "Thomas was going to talk to his dad about going to London with a 'friend'. We'll see."

"Aka he and his boyfriend are going to go shag all over Europe?" Wren giggled.

"Wren come on, we've talked about this," Cath said. "Don't be gross."

"If it was Simon you'd think it was funny."

"But it's not Simon. It's real people," Cath muttered.

Wren rolled her eyes. "Ever since you joined that new fandom you've gotten all… no fun."

"I just had someone point out to me that maybe it was disrespectful to treat a ship that way," Cath said with a shrug. "Can't argue with the discourse."

Wren sighed. "I just think you're being too sensitive."

"Sorry," Cath said with a small shrug.

This was not the first time Wren had said something along those lines, and Cath had a feeling it wouldn't be the last. She chewed on her bottom lip and debated saying one last thing to point out she was right, but her father cut in first.

"All right, no fighting before Cath leaves," Arthur argued. "We don't want to have her going off in a bad mood."  
Cath sighed. "We can chat about it later. But no more comments about Thomas and Micah. They're people not a ship."

Wren rolled her eyes but nodded. "Okay fine." She looked Cath over once."So you're going to message me when you get there right?"

"Yes," Cath whispered.

She reached out to hug her sister, squeezing her tight. Arthur moved in next and hugged her.

"You have a great time. Try to find something fun to do every week, okay? Make some friends. Explore. Try new things...well not too many new things…but you know what I mean."

"Okay, thanks," Cath said. She felt like something was stuck in her throat. It was suddenly hard to breathe and talk.

"All right, you'd better go. Need to get you through security."

Wren looked a little teary, but she was clearly doing her best to hold off. "All right, you take care of yourself."

Cath nodded. She wrapped her hands through her backpack straps and took off in the direction of security. She did her best to not turn back around, clutching the straps a little harder.

* * *

 

She was a mess by the time she actually arrived on her plane. She found her seat and sat down, swallowing as she looked out the window to look on Nebraska for the last time in months. She didn't even know how to say goodbye. It also made her think to the future. Perhaps one day she'd never come back.

Cath sighed and tried to decide if she could write under such conditions. Fanfiction could either prove a stress-reliever or a stresser. There was no real way to know until she pulled out her laptop and tried. Her readers really were due for an update… but giving them a crappy draft probably wasn't the best either.

She closed her eyes and willed the whole thing to be over. Maybe she'd open her eyes in a few hours and find it was all a very bad dream.

* * *

 

Landing in Heathrow airport really did feel like something out of a nightmare. As Cath passed through customs and watched them stamp her passport, she felt a shudder run down her spine.

It was official. She was here. Stamped and ready to enter her new country. Cath tried to pretend this was something from one of her stories. But she was guessing Simon didn't usually have to go through customs when he made visits to America. Elba probably didn't either… just had to sneak over moats and up high fortress walls.

She turned towards the door, suddenly feeling her breathing cut short. The crowds were pressing against her, voices ringing out in the large space of the airport. All around her she heard the chatter of several different languages she couldn't understand a word of. For a few seconds she felt a little dizzy.

Cath pressed on, moving past the crowds to search for her bag at the baggage carousel. Her eyes wandered over the same colored bags, searching for the Simon Snow tag Wren had bought her as a birthday gift. There were a lot of ribbons and other decorations tied to the tops of the bags circling. Cath wondered if she should have added one of those too.

The crowds were dwindling. People kept pushing past her to grab their bags before exiting.

The pit in her stomach was becoming deeper. Cath felt the airplane food churning and she swallowed a few times to keep the bile down.

As Cath watched, the carousel slowed to a stop. She looked around. No bag.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds before opening them. What did you do when your bag didn't show up? She'd never had it happen, only heard about it. She looked around, noticing a man in a uniform not too far away.

"Excuse me," she said. "It seems like my bag isn't here."

"Head over to the lost luggage desk," the man said, pointing the other direction.

"Thank you."

She tried to keep the tears at bay as she walked over to the desk. All her things, missing. Months worth of clothes and supplies, her jar of peanut butter, her Hunters t-shirts, pictures of her and Levi she'd been planning on hanging on her wall. 

After a second composing herself, she walked to the desk.

"Hi, I lost my luggage," Cath whispered. "Or at least it doesn't appear to be on the um…carousel or anything."

"Name?" the woman said, pursing her lips.

Cath repeated the details needed, giving her name and what flight she'd been on. The woman tapped on her computer for a moment before frowning.

"Well, we'll need to track it down I'm afraid. If you would fill this out with contact information and an address."

Cath took the papers. She looked it over before moving to grab her backpack and pulling out the form that listed where she would be staying. She really did need to get it memorized.

"How long will it take?" Cath asked, looking up from filling in the information. "I'm supposed to travel for a little while."

"It could be a few days," the woman said. "It's likely just still back in Dallas where you had your layover."

Cath nodded, even as she did her best to keep the tears at bay. What a way to start.

She finished filling out the form and passed it over to the woman. After a few moments she managed to swallow down the possible melt-down coming and headed to the door.

She pulled out her phone and looked down at it. Worth the charges to try to text Lauryn? Or should she just try to find her.

Thankfully, all her worries were alleviated when she caught sight of a large sign and in big bold bubble letters:

Magicath.

She smirked and sure enough discovered a bouncing Lauryn holding the sign with a grin.

"Put that away," Cath said with a sigh. "Someone's going to see."

"Exactly!" Lauryn giggled. "Got to let your international fans know you're here."

Cath rolled her eyes and moved in for a hug. Lauryn squeezed her tight.

"I missed you so much," Lauryn said. "Oh my god how was summer? Anything interesting happen? Have you heard from Thomas at all?"

"A little," Cath said. "He spent some time in New York, but mostly he took a summer job in Lincoln over the summer."

"AKA personal sex slave to Micah," Lauryn giggled.

Cath rolled her eyes. "Not you too. Wren has been all over both of them."

"Yeah I know, she's messaged me an update or two," Lauryn says with a wink. "Love that sis of yours."

Cath just sighed and shook her head. "Um…so how's it been for you? Wish we could have chatted more."

"I know, but I was like sooo busy with school," Lauryn said with a smile. "Well school and hitting up every hot and interested French chick I could… even a dude or two. Met this _super_ cute one actually. But things just didn't pan out."

" _Pan_ out, cute," Cath said with a laugh.

"Ha yeah true!" Lauryn giggled. "That's me indeed. Gotta love it. So what about you? Missing your own boo probably?"

"Yeah, it was rough," Cath said. "Always is after the first bit of separation. But…I guess that's how you know you really care about someone. That it feels amazing when you're together and it's absolutely awful when you're apart. But you live for those good moments together and bear with the painful ones because the good is what truly counts. And every second is worth it when you're together again."

Cath sighed and looked away for a moment. It had been hard. But she knew it was only a few more weeks. And in the meantime once she had a new sim card for her phone she'd be back to texting and calling him as much as she liked.

"Okay let's get going to our hostel. Um…" Lauryn paused. "Is that all you brought."

Cath jerked out of her reverie. "They…lost my luggage."

Lauryn stared at her for a long moment. "You're joking."

"Nope."

"Fuck."

"Exactly."

* * *

 

Cath didn't really even want to go to a hostel. The relief of finding Lauryn again had not put to rest her anxiety about having to go stay in unfamiliar places with strangers she didn't know.

"It'll be fine," Lauryn said for the third time as they headed down the stairs to the tube. "Okay, so losing your luggage sucks. But you can borrow like shirts and stuff from me if need be. And we'll buy you a toothbrush or something. Seriously, they'll probably find it in the next few days. And as for the hostel, it's just a place to sleep."

Cath felt her eyes closing even as she walked. "Yeah…speaking of which, when's that?"

Lauryn glanced down at her phone. "Um…well it's only eleven? I'd recommend trying to stay awake until sometime in the evening. Don't want to really screw up your sleep cycle."

Cath took a deep breath, trying to picture staying up another ten hours. She clutched her backpack straps tighter and kept going.

Lauryn was chattering away. Cath kept having to bring her attention back to the conversation, her mind instead choosing to wander over a million other details instead.

_Those people are staring at you. You sound so American. Like an idiot. What if the hostel is awful?What if school is awful? You haven't talked to Levi in forever. Maybe he's been trampled to death by sheep. Okay can a person even be trampled to death by sheep? You're being an idiot, Cath._

"Cath?"

She looked up in time to see Lauryn motioning to the arriving cars of the tube. She slipped in beside Lauryn, doing her best not to pay attention to the greasy feel of the pole beneath her fingers, ignoring the way a stranger pressed half his body against hers.

"So I was thinking we'd start with something easy like a tour bus and then maybe go to one of the museums this afternoon, and then tomorrow is all Cornelius stuff. Like the whole day. And we have to get to the Tower of London. I'm sorry but history just cannot wait."

Cath knew that normally these things should sound appealing. She remembered a week ago looking over the details of the Cornelius set-tours and having Wren fall off her bed laughing at how obviously excited she was. In the moment though, she was struck by the realization that she just wanted to go home.

She kept trying to remember the coping techniques she'd learned from her therapist all summer, but it was like her memory had been wiped. There were techniques weren't there?

She let out a gasp suddenly, finally realizing that her lungs felt incredibly empty, that she'd been standing there for at least a minute not breathing properly.

Lauryn's eyes met hers and her expression froze.

"Oh my god. You're…"

"I'm fine," Cath tried to wheeze out. "I'm just… I…oh god…"

Lauryn grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the door.

"Excuse me," she said. "Excuse me."

The train arrived at the next stop. Cath felt suddenly dizzy, but she allowed Lauryn to jerk her arm and pull her out onto the platform.

"Come on," Lauryn said.

She guided Cath over to an open bench and sat her down. A hand was on her back, rubbing softly. Cath closed her eyes for a few seconds and simply tried to draw air into her lungs. It felt like there was a heavy weight on her chest, one she couldn't possibly push off.

"I'm going to count," Lauryn said after a second. "And you are going to breathe in. Four counts to breathe in. Then four and you'll hold it. And four more for an exhale. Okay?"

Cath managed to nod somehow. She felt tears pricking at her eyes again, but she tried to focus on the sound of Lauryn's voice.

"One, two, three, four."

She took in as much air as she could manage and just listened to the counting.

She wasn't sure how long had passed. A few minutes maybe.

Her eyes opened and she met Lauryn's.

"Okay," Lauryn said softly. "It's okay. God, I forgot what the first day is like. Even without anxiety. I'm sorry that I didn't think more about that. I'm just…so happy to have a friend here. It's been a long summer."

Cath swallowed and nodded. She didn't feel like she could produce words even if she wanted.

"Look, let's go to the hostel and see if they'll let us in for a bit. Maybe we can just spend a little time relaxing first and then see what you're up for, okay? This can be at your pace. No worries."

She let out a shuddering breath and continued to nod.

"Hey… I know…"

Lauryn fished out her phone. She was all smiles for a second and then frowned.

"On second thought… we are like… hundreds of feet beneath the ground. So yeah no service. But, once we're back at the hostel how about I let you call that favorite boyfriend of yours."

Cath had to smile at that.

"Ah see. That'll make everything better. I swear, I've got to get a significant other. You promise me that you'll give me a few peptalks on getting out and dating okay? Remind me I could have this."

"Okay," Cath managed to croak out.

Lauryn patted her back. "Okay, I'm not putting you back in the tube for a few more minutes at least. So let's go see if there's a place we could grab coffee or something. Actually maybe not coffee. Something to help you relax. And we'll call Levi. And we will just chill. Because hell knows you deserve it."

Cath nodded and stood up without prompting. She knew there was a word she'd been using a lot with her new fics. And it came to mind now. Onwards.

* * *

 

" _Leave_ this place!"

The tone was aghast, and Elba didn't dare turn and see the expression that accompanied it.

"I mean…at this point it is pretty much necessity," Elba pointed out. "If we want to make sure the canton is safe… well then something must be done."

She turned to look back over her shoulder.

Will frowned and cocked his head.

"But… this is home."

Elba sighed. "Haven't you ever wondered what lies beyond these borders? Haven't you ever dreamed of… seeing what else might be out there?"

Will's nose scrunched up showing off his freckles.

"You know in tales of old," Elba said softly, "they said those who were meant to be together usually were spread across the world. That in order to find real and true happiness one would have to venture out into the unknown."

She watched his head lower, another heavy sigh escaping.

"But plenty find happiness right here. Tucked away in their homes. Most of our kind find their one right here."

Elba shrugged. "I've longed for an adventure half my life. Since I was a littlun I wanted to see if the stories of knights and dragons and quests were true. This is my chance. I'm leaving. The only question is if you'll come with me."

There was a heavy silence. Elba let it sit and went to grab her cloak. She swung it over her shoulders before reaching for her bow.

"I'll come."

She turned and caught Will's eyes. He was still frowning, but there was a kind of resignation in his eyes.

"Oh, talk of ones such motivation for you?" Elba joked with a smile.

Will had his cloak in hand as his dark eyes met hers. "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps if I wander the world I'll finally find the one who makes me happy. At the very least, I'll be there to see you safely home."

Elba didn't bother to correct him. She knew this place would never quite be home. It never had been. And she knew it never quite would be. She was a restless spirit. Destined to wander. She smiled and slid a dagger into her belt.

-From _Adventure's Weight_ posted August 2013  
By FanFixx .net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know I know, my fake fandom is a little off because technically LOTR (sorry spoilers if you hadn't guessed that already) is a heavily slash based fandom. But my reasons for choosing it were as follows A. it follows well with the adventure narrative I've set Cath on this year in going abroad and having to be very brave. B. I wanted a fandom I actually knew something about…so while I loved suggestions of Doctor Who or Supernatural or any number of others…I didn't think I could write them well since I don't actually have much experience with those fandoms. As to why I made it not slash…well I agree I think Cath maybe does fetishize gay people a little too much for comfort. I think it's about time she got into a fandom where she isn't doing that as much. So yes, genderbent Lord of the Rings if you will.
> 
> I'll try to update more regularly. Good news is the girlfriend is a huge supporter and a big encouragement to me in writing. Should be more soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Lauryn made her sit at a café table for nearly an hour before they finally started venturing back to their hostel. She chattered a bit about her semester, her various love interests (even if they had failed in the long run), and finally just settled for talking about her hopes for the school year. Cath did her best to not think about her own upcoming year. The tiniest detail of consideration sent her shivering again.

“So, are you ready?” Lauryn finally asked. “Can we get to the hostel? We have so much to do!”

Cath nodded. She did honestly wish she was in a fit enough state to have some coffee. However, Lauryn definitely had a point there. She’d likely only become more anxious if she put caffeine into her system.

“Yes,” Cath said after a long deep breath. “Yes, I’m ready.”

Just as they were standing up Lauryn’s phone rang.

“And look who it is,” Lauryn said with a smirk. “Sit your butt back down. You’re about to have a talk with your boyfriend.”

Cath smiled in spite of herself. She reached for the phone handed to her and pressed it to her ear.

“Hello.”

“Hi sweetheart, you left me a message…um…everything okay?”

She took a deep breath. “I just…was with Lauryn and had a bad panic attack. I’m doing better now. She just thought it might be good for me to call you.”

She could picture him straightening up, his words suddenly becoming a little better enunciated. “What happened?”

“Just travel stress I guess,” she said. “And crowded subway and everything.” She lowered her voice, hardly daring to look at Lauryn. “I just feel like I shouldn’t be here.”

“Cath, that’s ridiculous,” Levi said.

“No, I’m barely a few hours in and I’m already in a panic,” Cath said. “I just…I’m not cut out for this, Levi. I’m too messed up. I can barely do this at home…but here…”

“Cath, what did your therapist say to you?” he said.

She closed her eyes. “That I’d be okay and we could discuss medication when I returned home if I’m still doing poorly. And that I can probably find someone over here if need be.”

“Yes, see. You have a stamp of approval. You don’t need to sit there fretting that you’re not ready. At least in that sense. Hey, in a few days you’ll be up in Oxfordshire and you’ll be able to come visit me. And I’m going to give you the biggest hug possible.”

She smiled and felt tears coming back again. “I’d like that… a lot.”

“Course. I’ll snuggle you up in my bed and just wrap you in my arms and let you cry for a bit. I know it’s tough. And…even I’ve been having some trouble adjusting. But it gets better, okay? Don’t you worry.”

“I hope so,” Cath whispered. “Or I’m not going to be able to take this.”

“Chin up, sweetheart. It’s your first day. You’re jetlagged. Dealing with culture shock. Probably still feeling gross from the airplane. Just relax a little and enjoy okay?”

“I’ll try. I can’t wait until I get to see you again.”

She could hear his smile. “Yeah. I know. Give Lauryn a hug from me and tell her to take good care of you, okay?”

“I will,” Cath said.

She reluctantly pressed the end call button and turned back to Lauryn.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

Lauryn smiled. “All right then.”

“Levi said thank you,” she said.

“Yeah, well I’ll let him know later that it’s no big deal. I can take care of his girl while he’s not around. Somebody should.”

Cath flushed, but she managed to not protest as Lauryn headed back away from the café and towards the tube.

The second time around was a little less of a disaster. Cath did find herself feeling slightly panicked, but she remembered her breathing exercises, and she stuck close to Lauryn.

After a few more minutes of walking, they finally arrived at the hostel.

“Look, see? Was that so bad?” Lauryn asked with a bright shining grin on her face.

Cath looked up over the building, noting peeling paint and a cracked window. Her gaze flashed back down the street. There was a man with a cardboard sign in his hands standing on the corner.

“Um…how’d you…find this place?” Cath asked.

“Well it was cheap,” Lauryn admitted. “And a lot of other places were already booked up. So…”

She gestured to the building.

“I mean…I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” Lauryn said. “It’s called the Happiness Hostel…how bad could it be?”

Cath shrugged, suddenly thrown back to memories of childhood visiting some kind of arcade for children called “Fluffy’s Fun House” or something of the like. Images of screaming children, creepy workers, broken machines, and sticky floors somehow came to mind.

She tried not to conjure up depressing visions of what the hostel might look like. Instead she waited for Lauryn to find the phone number and call.

“Weird hours for the place or something,” Lauryn whispered as she waited with the phone to her ear.

After a moment she brightened.

“Oh yes, hello…um we’re staying at your hostel tonight and we’ve arrived outside the normal check in hours. Is there any chance you could let us in early?”

She nodded a few times and Cath finally managed to take a deep breath.

“Okay sounds good. Yes, we will talk to you soon!”

Lauryn hung up. “Um yup, she’s on her way to let us in.”

Cath nodded. “I hope she gets here soon. I don’t like this area.”

“Oh come on, it’s not that bad,” Lauryn protested.

“I saw a guy pooping in that bush back there. Yes it’s bad.”

Cath folded her arms and tried to avoid looking anywhere really. Every new thing she saw had her more convinced than ever that this was a mistake. She shouldn’t have come.

“I’m sure as soon as we get in and have some time to relax—”

There was a noise that caused Lauryn to stop speaking. She turned in time to see a car jerkily pulling up to the curb, hitting a trash bin on the way. After a moment the driver’s door opened.

A chubby woman stepped out. She turned her nose up at Cath and Lauryn almost immediately, beady eyes narrowing.

“You the girls staying the night?”

“Um…yes?” Cath whispered.

“Well don’t stand there all day,” the woman said. “Come on.”

She waddled over to the door and unlocked it.

An image of a news story about two American girls killed in London flashed through Cath’s mind. She did her best to banish the thought, but the woman’s scowl was doing nothing to ease her worries.

As she walked, she worried her lip, a trickle of blood suddenly catching her tongue. With the taste of blood in her mouth, Cath tried to imagine, as she had done when she was younger, that she was Baz. Baz wouldn’t be afraid of this woman. Then again, Baz had magic and vampire fangs on his side.

They were led into a darkened hallway, though even in the gloom Cath could make out stuffed animals lining every inch of furniture.

“All right, give me your passports please.”

Cath reached for her backpack, pulling out the now slightly more familiar blue booklet and handing it over. She remembered how proud she’d been when she’d received it. Somehow it had been a confirmation of adulthood, of adventure. This little collection of paper that could open doors; her own magic key.

The woman took their paperwork and shuffled over to a desk with a mess of papers all over it, and another collection of glassy-eyed teddy bears.

“All right, Michels and Avery, yes?”

The woman didn’t wait for them to respond before grabbing some papers and shoving them at the girls.

“Sign these. Basic agreement. No smoking in the rooms. You’ll pay a deposit for the key and get it back when you return it. Whatever else you do is your business.”

Cath scanned over the paper, surprised to find it did pretty much say just that as well as listing a check out time. She reached for a pen on the desk, avoiding the one that appeared to have something sticky on it.

“All right, key deposits and then I’ll give you yours and you can head to your room.”

Cath dug in her bag for the envelope of pounds her father had advised her to get from the bank before leaving. She handed over a crisp ten.

A small key with a large wooden keychain was plunked into her hand.

“Upstairs, down the corridor to your left.”

Cath nodded and followed Lauryn towards the stairs the woman had pointed at.

“Wow, is it just me or is this place… creepy?” Lauryn asked.

“Nope, it’s definitely not you,” Cath agreed as she took the stairs two at a time. “Happiness Hostel indeed,” she said, eyeing the large-eyed animal paintings that were now lining the hallway.

“Okay, yeah sorry you book hostels next time. My bad.”

Cath was grateful when she opened the door to their room. That was until she looked around. Thankfully there weren’t creepy animals everywhere. But there were boxers in the middle of the floor, and a foul odor that seemed to be coming from one of the suitcases lying next to the bed.

“It’s just for a few nights,” Lauryn said, though her normally cheerful voice lacked the real ring it usually did. “I mean…it’ll be fine.”

Cath nodded as she set her backpack down. “Um…top or bottom?”

“Hmm…I’d say top,” Lauryn said with a giggle. “But that’s mostly cause you seem like a bottom.”

Cath flushed. “Yeah bottom’s fine,” she muttered as she went over to check the bedding. It appeared relatively clean, though that still didn’t put her at ease as she eyed the four other empty beds. Who knew what kinds of people might be in the room with them? Especially noting that some of them were boys.

“Okay good,” Lauryn said. “So… I know you’re tired… you good waiting here for a bit while I go grab some of those pamphlets and things downstairs? Want to see if there are some good ideas for things to do today…maybe we can save Cornelius tours for tomorrow.”

Cath yawned and nodded. “Yeah that’s fine. Maybe I’ll grab a shower. I feel kind of gross from the plane anyhow.”

Lauryn smiled. “Sure. I’ll see you in a few then.”

She disappeared out the door leaving Cath to her thoughts. She sat down on the bed and tried to pull herself together. Today just felt altogether too crazy for her tastes. Maybe things would feel more balanced once she actually arrived at school. Or maybe not.

She sighed and moved to open her backpack, pulling out the spare pair of clothes she’d included: a loose t-shirt and cardigan, and a pair of jeans. Well, if nothing else she’d be clean and in clean clothes for a bit. Maybe that way she’d start to feel more normal.

The door opened and Cath jumped.

A boy walked in, dressed in a hoody with the hood pulled over his head. He walked over and sat down on the bed across from Cath.

Cath frowned and reached for her clothes again. It felt weird being in a room with a boy that wasn’t Levi. She remembered back to freshman year, her worries about how “rapey” it felt just to be with Levi. A stranger made it even worse.

She suddenly wondered if she should go find Lauryn. Maybe she shouldn’t be in the room by herself.

Grabbing her clothes, she settled for heading to the bathroom instead. At least that way she wouldn’t look awkward and could have a lock between her and this random stranger. She’d never allow herself to stay in a coed hostel again, that was for sure.

She flipped the lock and allowed herself a few minutes to take deep breaths before she undressed to shower.

Her nose crinkled as she noticed a hairball on the shower floor. She realized her flipflops weren’t in her backpack, so she’d have to make do without. God, she was probably going to get some horrible foreign fungus and never recover her feet. She tried to picture going about life without her toes. Would that even be feasible?

She debated back and forth about just going back into the room, but a whiff under her arms let her know that wasn’t a good idea. After a full day in a plane, she really did need a wash.

Avoiding the tarantula-sized hairball, she gingerly stepped into the shower. Once under the warm spray, she did her best to forget about the boy sitting on the bed in the room, or the gross shower germs on her feet, or the fact that she was halfway around the world. Maybe in the water she could wash all the negative thoughts away.

After a thoroughly long soak in the water, Cath pulled herself out, toweling off and slipping into her clean outfit. She flicked the lock on the door and allowed herself back into the small room space.

The first thing she noticed was that the boy was gone. The second thing she noticed was that her backpack wasn’t where she left it.

She’d left it sitting on the floor. Now it was on the bed. And her things were spread around it.

Gasping, Cath went over and checked. It only took her a few seconds to realize what was missing.

After a second feeling like she was going to stop breathing, Cath sprang into action. She grabbed her room key and headed for the hall.

She found Lauryn within a minute. Her heart was pounding and there were already tears clouding her eyes.

“Lauryn…my…” she gasped, hardly able to get the words out.

“What’s up?” Lauryn asked. Her smile disappeared. “Hey, Cath, is everything all right? Did you have another panic attack?”

“Maybe having one now,” Cath admitted. “My…stuff… all stolen. I went to shower and came back. My wallet is gone.”

Lauryn’s eyes widened. “What?”

“There was a boy in the room. And when I came back my wallet was gone.”

“Oh my god. Um… just…stay calm. Let’s…” Lauryn put a hand over her mouth before anymore words could come out. Cath’s hands clenched into fists.

She could feel panic rising inside her, hot and tight and overpowering. She closed her eyes and tried to clamp down on it, but it had gone too far already.

“What do I do?” she whispered.

“I don’t know,” Lauryn said. “Um…let’s ask the lady at the front desk about it and then…um…go to the police. Can you find numbers for your bank? We need to get those cards canceled as soon as we can.”

Cath nodded, swallowing and keeping her mouth clamped shut. It felt like something awful might come out if she opened it again.

She’d been asking for trouble coming to Europe. She should have realized this would happen.

She heard Lauryn down the hall, talking to the woman at the desk. The words were difficult to make out, but she could hear that the woman’s tone was not particularly pleasant. A few biting responses. A sense of incredulity. Yes, they weren’t going to get any help there.

After a few moments of standing frozen she managed to move. She headed back to the room.

It took most of an hour. Calling the card companies to let them know she needed to report her card stolen. They asked for her address so new ones could be sent. She had to wonder how soon they would arrive.

And then the police report. Cath wanted to pull her hair out by the end.

“Things are going to get better,” Lauryn said as they walked out of the police station. “I know they will. This is a shitty start…but…”

She broke off.

Cath shook her head. “No. No Lauryn it’s not. This was a mistake.”

“At least in a bit you’ll be settling into your new home…seeing Levi again,” Lauryn tried. “You’ve got this.”

Cath closed her eyes. “Maybe. I just want to go back to the hostel and sleep for today. Okay? Maybe…maybe tomorrow we can do tourist stuff.”

Lauryn reached over and pulled her into a tight hug. “I know missy. It’s okay. Let’s rest up and if we feel up for it we’ll go out tomorrow.”

Cath let Lauryn’s tight arms around her relax her. She had to hold onto this for now. Something positive. At the very least she wasn’t alone. And that was certainly something to celebrate.

 

* * *

 

 

She snuggled up under her covers later that evening, laptop balanced on her thighs. Though the wifi was a bit shitty, Cath made the best of it as she read through the comments on her latest update.

“Good stuff?” Lauryn asked.

Cath frowned. “No. Still…still dealing with people who want to know why I’m writing a hetero ship instead of slash. And then a few Cornelius fans on old stuff…saying my works are maybe going to be enough to get them through hiatus and why can’t I write more? I’m trying to figure out the nicest way to tell them I’m moving to another country.”

Lauryn smiled. “Yeah, you deserve a break for sure. Don’t let them make you feel bad, okay? You don’t need to feel stressed. As for the non-hetero fans please remind them that bi, aro, ace, and pan people exist please…and that freedom to ship still exists.”

Cath sighed as she typed out a few more notes. “I don’t want to seem rude. I don’t know…I didn’t have to deal with this in the Simon Snow fandom. I was a Snowbaz shipper and that was that. Sure, I saw a little fandom drama from time to time, but nothing like this.”

“Seriously, write Elba as bi or something and then if people criticize you, you can just point out they’re being biphobic,” Lauryn said. “It’s simple really.”

“Are you guys talking about Hunter’s Sword?” a girl a few bunks over asked. “Oh my god I love that series.”

“Me too,” Cath said with a smile. “Yeah… um…just fandom drama.”

“Oh that’s so cool,” she giggled. “Did you hear they’re doing filming up north? For the next film I would _die_ if I saw one of the actors.”

Cath smiled. “Yeah, I did. It would be pretty cool indeed.”

She sighed and looked at the last nasty comment in her inbox. She thought back to Thomas a few months earlier, so confused with his sexuality that he’d felt the need to leave awful comments on her works. These people were probably no different; lost and confused and in need of a friend. Or at least that was what she had to keep telling herself.

However, as the girl a few beds over continued to chatter about fandom, Cath had to smile. Even in the worst of times she always had this to come back to. That was the beauty of these things, she supposed. The real world was shitty. And an escape into another one could sometimes be just what she needed to lift her own spirits.

 

* * *

 

 

“I _cannot_ do this anymore,” Elba said with a sigh. “I’m so done. There’s…no point in this. Why do I keep trying when everything keeps going wrong?”

“Because you’re a good person,” he said.

Elba turned from where she was standing along the edge of the path. When she looked back towards Will she could see how far along they’d come. It made her sigh.

 “You really think so?”

“Of course,” he said, smiling.

Elba tilted her head and considered. “But…everything keeps going wrong. What do I do?”

“Keep trying. Don’t give up.”

“Easier said than done.”

His hand twisted into hers. “Well, sure. But you should know you always have me.”

She looked at Will, catching the look in his eyes and wondering not for the last time if it was something more than what she’d initially anticipated. Friend? More? Perhaps. She couldn’t deny there was something there. She certainly wasn’t blind to that.

However, there were more important things to focus on at the moment. She couldn’t allow herself to be distracted.

Still, there was something about Will she held onto. Perhaps even in the hard times she could realize that there was still could. Perhaps in those beautiful eyes and that precious smile she could lose herself for a bit. Forget the troubles and the worries and the rough road ahead. She could, in fact, still find a little bit of home even out in the big wide world. And she’d take that.

 

A/N: Sorry for the delay readers. I’m in England… things are…hard. I’ll try to keep updating but I have to tell you right now it’s hard to want to write. Friends, my boyfriend, and of course nice reader comments are kind of all that’s keeping me going right now. Please be nice.

 

-From _Adventure’s Weight_ posted September 2013  
By FanFixx .net author Magicath

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well Happiness Hostel isn’t real…though it is a compilation of some different hostels I’ve stayed at plus my roommate’s poor incident of having her wallet stolen out of her room (yes actually a real story there). When you travel always be safe and have fun and make the best of terrible situations. It makes for great stories later!  
> Thank you to all who've commented, bookmarked, kudoed etc! You are amazing!

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://elsarenard.tumblr.com/) to chat! 
> 
> Comments keep me writing!


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